My Birthday: to celebrate or to mourn!

15^th September! 

It is the day my mom took me in her arms and hugged her daughter for the first time. Yeap, it’s  my birthday.

But I am perplexed, whether to celebrate this day or should I mourn?
Should I be happy that I came to this world on that day?

I was happy until the last year.
Every year my mom would be the first one to wish me day of my birth at the mid night no matter how far we are. Her intense love, care and blessings were always with me.

But, how can I be happy on my birthday this year when my mother who gave me birth is not here with me!

It is not only my birthday; rather it is the day of celebration for both a mother and a child. A mother is born with her child. So how can I be celebrating this partial happiness?

Twenty-six years back she carried me in her womb for nine months. She fall sick numbers of time because of her pregnancy. She faced very uncomfortable condition for nine months because of the internal and external changes in her body for keeping me safe inside. She went through several different emotional changes due to hormones changes.

Moreover, she went through the unbearable pain to bring me in this world safely.

Even bearing all these, she smiled seeing me face for the first time, hugged me tightly as I was her heart, and kissed me, as I am her soul.

Leaving her studies and work, she happily accepted her responsibility to nurture me. She kept awake in the nights to make me sleep peacefully sleep.

She cried hiding her tears when I fall sick or I got hurt ever.

She made food for me, make me to eat with her hand.
She take care of my clothes, toys, food, my sleep, my studies and everything which I need.

She sacrificed her dreams, wishes and desires without complaining even for once.

My first love, my teacher, guide, inspiration, motivator, a doctor, my angel who prayed for me, kept fast seeking god blessings for her child.

She gave me life, made my life and taught me to live my life as well.

The more I say, the lesser it seems!

But, I could not even protect her from a dreadful end of her life.

More than the fact that I lost her forever, the ugly truth stab my heart each split of second.

Today, for the first time in my life, there is neither any excitement nor any happiness for my birthday inside my heart as before. Instead, a feeling of guilty, regret, and sorrow has occupied my head and heart completely.

I am not able to stop my shedding tears.
Later I decided to celebrate my biggest failure and the loss of my life and mourn silently with my loneliness.

I switched off my mobile on the previous night. I do not wanted to talk to anyone, as I was sure I would burst into tears when anyone will wish me my ‘Mourning Day’ to be happy and prosperous.

I wanted to go far away from home, hide at any isolated place for the whole day, and remember my scattered family.
My mom died and my dad decided to untie the knot of the string with his children. 
Then what is the point of celebrating the day?

*

On the other side..

My family (mom’s family with whom I live) is preparing for my birthday with all excitement, from a month before. My brother and friends reminding my upcoming birthday, and making their plans for the celebration.

My well-wishers are excited to shower their blessing on me on my day.
My little cousins were waiting eagerly for the day.

 I got a blow and mind felt a jerk. What the hell I am doing? Moreover, why I am doing so, when there are so many people around me who still cares for me, love me, and want to see me happy and trying every moment to keep my smile alive from within my heart.

How can I be so mean to be crushing their excitement and happiness, which is meant for me only, for the sake of my broken heart?

Can’t be I happy for them at least if not for myself? If I am not feeling any excitement from inside, can’t I pretend for those who are trying to give me all pleasure and to want to see me happy on my birthday?

When they are also dishearten and even then want to give happiness to someone, is it not my accountability to give some happiness to them in return?

My heart was struggling with the mind vigorously!

Finally, I decided to celebrate my mourning and my family’s happiness together.

I decided, when I have to live, I should live happily with my tears. Let my smile wipe off my tears before anyone could see them coming out.
Let me laugh a loud that no one could hear my cry.

While regretting for not able to save one life, I should not pull away myself with my responsibility to save others life which I can do at least now.

It was not my wish to born into this world and lives this life; rather it was the decision of god. Then I should respect it, accept my past, and present.

While I can’t run off my past, at the same time, I can’t close my eyes to rescue from my present.

Life is to live, not to regret and mourn a longer for the sorrow.
I decided to live through together, with pain in the heart and sparkling eyes and smile.To spread the light of happiness like my birthday candles! 

Exchange Offer

Allahabad !

One of the most awaited destinations while my travelling.

No! No! I was not neither going to Allahabad nor had a chance of meeting anyone I know there waiting on Allahabad station.

Ha! Let me explain you what made me to wait anxiously for Allahabad from the next tenth minutes I boarded the train at Agra fort today morning at 9:15.

I have travelled a lot (most of the times, alone) all over India and outside India as well.

In bus, train or flight, I was never been fortunate in case of co- travellers till date.

Every time I wish to get an interesting person to be my travel partner, but unfortunately my journey always ended up being most boring.

So later, I started praying for the same while booking the tickets only. Again, nothing turned out good.

From 2 days back I was praying to God, “Please God, this time any how manage to bless me with a good  co-traveller, so that my boring day journey in such disgusting train ( the only option I got while booking the ticket one month back the travelling date. Thanks to Indian Railways!)

The travelling date reached.

1.      The first thing I hated about this train was that it was a day journey.

2.      It gonna take much more the time I travel with other trains from Delhi to Patna.

And in condition 1  & 2 I had to travel all alone, gonna be a pakau (boring) day journey I hated ever.

Anyway, the reason 1 & 2 were more than enough to be unhappy and unexcited to the journey.

At 9:15 that is 15 minute late the train arrived station- Agra fort.

With my luggage, I entered coach and the next step was searching my seat.

A lady in her 40’s welcomed me sitting on the same seat I was looking for.

Normally people try to give space thinking the owner of the seat arrived in case they have occupied a vacant seat, but this lady was in her own world enjoying on my seat.

“Is this yours?” I asked her pointing towards my seat.

“Yes”, she replied with a ‘I don’t care attitude’.

‘Grrrr..’ it was too disgusting, “How it could be possible?” I said while rechecking my mobile confirming the seat- Coach B2, seat-44.

It was my seat only.

‘O God! Again!’ I had to thanks to god for such wonderful company for my journey.

Meanwhile, a girl lying on opposite side upper seat  said, “ ours is 45 and 46.”

“Grrrrrr....” Can’t she tell the same the first time I asked. A dumb girl like her great mom.

Without looking at her I adjusted my luggage.

“till where are you going?” The lady asked me.

“Patna”, I said.

“And till where you are going?” I asked her politly.

“Allahabad”

‘Thanksgod ! not the whole journey atleast.’ I was bit relaxed.

As I sit on my seat,

“We have a seat there as well (pointing somewhere among seats 1-40 ). You can go there.” She said to me.

“hmmmm...Nopes, I am fine here’, I said with my trademark smile.

I expected her to let me sit on the window side, but it was a hopeless wish.

Any how I managed to keep my bag and place myself on the 20 percent of the vacant space on my seat left after occupied by that lady and her one daughter.

Not even ten minutes passed that, her husband came from somewhere and after knowing that seat no. 44 is mine, he offered the same exchange scheme that his wife offered to me.

“We have two more seats there, you can go there.” He said.

“Thank you uncle, but I am fine here”, I refused his proposal.

I gave a look around. Except mine, all other 5 seats belong to the family travelling with me. They were seven in number with an old man in his 70’s, another man in his late 40’s or early 50’s, the lady I introduced in the beginning, two girls in their teens and two guys in their teens again.

“It will be good for you and us as well if you shift. We all will be comfortable here.”He insisted again, that too in a very irritating manner.

“Uncle, anyhow you are travelling till Allahabad only and I have to go till Patna. After Allahabad again I have to come back here only, so better I will complete my journey on my seat only.” This was my turn to give irritating smile to him.

I took out a novel to spend my 6 hours.

I couldn’t complete even my tenth page, found uncle worrying again for the seat.

“The seat there are empty, I am asking her (looking at me) to shift there, but she is not listening.”He said to his father sitting next to him.

Now my temper was getting high.

“Hadd hai!” I raised one of my eye brow controlling myself while looking into the 2^nd chapter of my novel.

They already have est of the 5 seats and it is day time, some time back only they all woke up, and this much of space is less for them to sit.

And I was getting any valid reason to leave my seat and shift to their ‘s.

“So much of silence is there, no one came yet there.”he continued with a pause.

Enough than enough man !

Why don’t he go himself there to be in peace instead of irritating me again and again.

 Now it was getting unbearable for me and I decided to be a BAD girl.

‘Let me show them how stubborn this girl travelling alone is!’ I said to myself.

Slowly from 20 percent seat I occupied 50 percent of the seat. And opened my lunch box. Aroma of my veg-biryani was increasing my hunger.

I was enjoying every spoon of my yummy biryani while they staring me for the seat.

I took more than twenty minutes to finish my lunch along with my two chapters.

I closed my lunch box, put it back in my bag, and went to wash my hand.

While coming back, I heard some known voice before reaching my seat.

“See, almost all seats are empty here, these two are ours”, That uncle was showing me the vacant seats he had.

“O my God !”, it was too much now.

It was almost tenth times, “You have already finished your lunch, now you can sleep there ” he said with an irritating giggling as I reached my seat and was about to sit.

I closed my book and looked at him (he was sitting opposite to me). My one eyebrow raised as usual my anger reach the critical point, and took a deep breath to be in control.

Cleared my throat.

“Respected uncle,

From very first time, I made it clear that I am not going to leave my seat at any cost, so please stop asking me for another time. I have booked this seat from Agra till Patna station and I will sit-sleep or do whatever on this seat only. If you or any of your family member have any issue with my presence you have already two vacant seats there, any two of you can fully utilise those seats. And stop bothering me now!”

I almost shouted in anger.

There was a silence in the cabin as the other people were also listening with so much of interest.

Two young guys on the side lower sseat and witness the whole conversation from the beginning were smiling, as even they had got irritated by this family’s behaviour ( I don’t wanna share those things here.)

Thereafter that aunty with one of her daughter and her two sons went to the other seats they were sending me and I spread my bedsheet and blanket to take afternoon nap and prayed to reach Allahabad soon !

A every new journey gives a new experience!

Indian’s Future Pillar in Mechanic Shed

Today I want to tell you all a story may not be so special to you, but of course so different from ours.

 This story is of a 12 years old boy in Pudupet (Chennai).

I met him one day in a mechanic shed where he went to repair his bike while coming back from his office. A boy approached him offering the help for his bike.

There was nothing special seeing a 12-year-old boy working in a mechanic shop. I explained the problem in Tamil. He gave a difficult expression. And I was there with a confused look.

 

“Anna, Hindi ???”

“Hindi??” I was not much comfortable with Hindi, but tried to manage to converse with him in broken Hindi.

While the boy was repairing the problem with bike, I asked him, “neither you know Tamil nor you look like a Tamilian!”

That boy, “you are right sir!”

“What is your name? And since how long you are here in Chennai?”

“Since 2 years sir... My name is Mohammed Rabbi Husain. Came here when I was 10 years old.” He replied without even taking his eye away from his work.

“Hmmm... so what about your parents? Your Home?” I could not resist asking him some more question.

“My Home? Family? They are in Assam Sir. Do you know where it is? Northeast of India, near China. It is too far from here.” He took a deep breath and paused for a moment, “It take 4-5 days to come from there” One could feels the pain in his voice.

“So, when you met your parents last time? Any plan to go home in near future?” This was my next question.

“Saw them 2 years back while leaving home, and I don’t know when will I meet them”, he was busy with his work.

“So how you came here? ...so far from home?” even it was not of my business, I shoted another question.

“My uncle’s son lives here since last eight years. Last time when he came to our place, my parents send me here with him” he paused for a while, “my mother’s earning was not enough for the family and father is not in condition to work. So I had to come here to earn as my cousin brother promised to get some work here. I have to earn and collect money to send home. I have an elder sister to get marry, I have to help mother to collect her dowry money.”

I was speechless. It was not as if story of Rabbi Husain was so unique and special. There were lakhs of Rabbi Husain in different part of India with different names.

“So what about your studies? You don’t want?” unwillingly I asked this question that made him looks more pity.

“I want to get education sir. I want to learn English and maths and get a job. But neither I can give fee for a school nor can leave my job.

Job is my need today and very important for my family, and I know that getting educated is my need of future, for my life....but I have no idea how to get both. So, trying to fulfil the need of today.”

These words really touched my heart.

Such children are working for daily wage of Rs. 200. Along with that, get scolded and beaten by the owner. Stay away from home, trying to learn the work but interested to study but not able to study.

Right now, he cannot read or write English. It is good that he learns a job and he can have his own mechanic shed when he will be of 20 to 25 but what about the outside world knowledge.

There are lakhs of such children, but may be one in twenty high-class children.

Don’t we have any responsibility for such under privilege children?

·        Can’t we save money avoiding 2-3 Pizza, McD and CCD hangout and help one such needy?

  

·        So many private schools are taking tones of money from everyone; can’t they adopt 2-3 children and educate them free?

  

·        Only spending money in Disc-Bar, Expensive Restaurants and parlour proves that we are highly educated and modern?

.....as narrated by one of my friend from Chennai (Mohammad Umar)

JuStice: Power, Politics, Punishment and Crime

Nine months, really a very short period. At least for the Indian law system.

In the second week of September, Indian law helped the victim’s soul to rest in peace.

The news of Delhi gang rape on 16^th December’12 night had shook whole India. Even the news highlighted across the international border, raising the question of safety of girls in India and law system supporting the females.

One of the shameful moments as being an Indian.

I was never afraid of roaming alone outside the country but being an Indian- Indian girl, I have to think ten times before even stepping out of the house, going out of city alone in my own country. Forget about being alone, all these are bullshit excuses. No matter a girl is alone or with her mom-dad, her brother, her friend, her husband or anyone else. She is not safe to roam around without a fear.

The Indian law has accepted those four people had made the crime and sentenced to hang until dead. However, along with this some other questions popping up in my mind.

·        We agree that whatever they had done was horrible and cannot be forgiven at all. Even if they have a family, a wife, children, mother crying to save them. How can we forget that the girl was also a daughter, a sister, a friend, a niece and a human being with whom they had behaved worst than an animal behaves.

It was not a mistake. They knew very well what they were doing, and so they very much deserve the death punishment.

It should be an example for others so that they should think hundred times before even trying to commit such crime.

·        The second question is,

If instead of these people there would have been people from high-class family, even then our law would have took decision so fast?

Of course not. In that situation this case would have been in trial for more than 9 years instead of months and that too without any result.

Should we believe only poor people commit crime deserve punishment, not the one who have power- the power of money and politics......?????

A Letter from a Father..

 Twenty-six years before, two beautiful angels were born in our house. They filled our house with all the colors of joy and happiness. We named them, Aadya and Aarav.

Me and my wife got busy in raising our angels and in our new life. Time started flying soon and we celebrated the first birthday of Aadya and Aarav. Then we sent them school for the first time.

 

They made us a proud parent with their outstanding performance at school. Especially my Aadya was too talented and her brother always support her in her all achievements.

She finished her primary school, then high school and in the appearing year only Aadya and Aarav both got admission in IIT Delhi. It was the partying moment for parent like us.

After four years of the hard work, Aadya was placed in Intel and Aarav got the opportunity to work with Yahoo India.

Me and my wife celebrated the moment of achievement and success of our children. Moreover, one moment that is more special was awaited next.

Yeah, the wedding bell was to be ring.

As soon the news got spread to our relatives and friends that Aadya and Aarav coming home after completing their studies, many proposals started coming for the wedding.

But there was something that broke me, I was shocked and disappointed too. I gave my both children equal love, care and opportunity everything they needed. And they both gave me the same love and care, respect and made me proud.

But the proposals we got for my son’s wedding, family wanted to buy my son with lakhs of rupees for their daughter. And the wedding proposals for my daughter came with the offer of buy their son with lakhs of rupees for my daughter.

I asked, "WHY"? Why is it like this? Why should I follow such evil practice in the name of tradition and culture when I am not following all the traditions in the same way it was there? Why only these things should be followed?

For my daughter people are bringing the alliance who are earning either little bit less or equal to her, even then why should I pay for her wedding? Only the reason is that she is a girl?

Moreover, for my son, why should I take money to get him married? Does dowry promise happy wedding life?

Marriage is not only of a girl, it is for a guy too, then why should a girl family have to bear the expense and if the guy family cannot afford, is their really need of Big Fat Wedding for a happy life ahead? Can anyone promise me this?

If I will get the logical answers for my all questions, then I will accept the dowry and will happily give for my children’s wedding.

But if not, I am sure  I will get an eligible groom for my daughter for a dowry free wedding and will like my son to marry an educated  girl from a middle class family who has spend the money on the education of their daughter instead of saving it for her wedding and dowry. My family do not want to show-off for 3-4 days but we want a happy life ahead.

Mine was a wedding with No dowry and so will be my children’s.

I know this will be like a drop in ocean that cannot change the society. However, I cannot keep crying in the name of society and tradition and this cannot stop to take stand in my life. I got chance two times and feel proud that I took stand in my life.

Let the society people think whatever they want to say, let them say whatever they want to say, I do not care.
I am not like other orthodox who like to debate on tables but do not dare to implement even in their life.

If we cannot afford Skoda, it does not mean we take loan to get one, neglecting other important things in life. If I can afford Hyundai or Ford, I will buy that and will enjoy my life with my family.

Show-off for a day is never long lasting, understand the fact. This will neither help the life of children. Moreover, the so-called society will talk for time being, until you support them with your silence and showing that you did a mistake.

My wife and both children support me for this and for the simple wedding.

Finally, my daughter got an eligible groom for her who is marrying her and my son is marrying a girl, as he wanted one to be his life partner.
Very soon my both children getting married and I can proudly say, there is not even a single paisa dowry is involved in both the wedding. And no big fat wedding too.

People who want to give blessing to the new couple are most welcomed. And who want to use it as gossips and to complaint for not giving a big feast for the wedding, they will never stop complaining, no matter what the case is.

Life is yours

Choice is yours

Decision is yours

‘Stop complaining about a crime if you too are involved in such a big one’

TAKING and GIVING the Dowry is a Crime and an Offensive Act

From

A proud Father

to all the fathers and future fathers